That’s impossible you say. Actually, it’s not so impossible. Winning an argument with your partner is all about compromise. Truly winning is not about who gets the last word or comes out the victor; it’s about being mature enough to make sure you both are victorious.

How can two people win an argument? That’s impossible. Not really. In noted relationship author, Gary Smalley’s study guide to his DNA of Relationships best seller, he writes:

Winning is finding a solution both people feel good about…in healthy relationships, everyone wins. If we see relationships as teamwork, we can commit ourselves to working on cooperative strategies. (Pg. 21, The DNA of Relationships Version 1 – Study Guide)

I read Dr. Smalley’s entire book about the DNA of relationships and it taught me that becoming a mature adult only happens when I learn to take responsibility for my actions and do not blame others for how I feel. For example, I am not truly emotionally mature, if I consistently blame my partner for my own unhappiness. No one has the power to make me happy or unhappy. My feelings are in my own control and I allow people to have power over me if I am not taking responsibility for my own healthy attitudes.

One of Dr. Smalley’s steps towards resolving conflicts is to “Establish a no losers policy.” That is exactly the point I was trying to stress previously. All parties involved in conflict should come out the winner because we are trying to find a compromise to our conflicts of interest. For example, if your partner refuses to spend quality time with your family and friends, but expects you to spend time with his family and friends, do not give in to an argument that you cannot win through a screaming match. Believe me…been there, done that. It doesn’t work. Try to listen and come up with a compromise.

Conflict in relationships is very good, so long as it’s not happening more than the good times occur. When we’re involved in a serious relationship, we obviously tend to spend a great deal of time with our partner. When conflicts arise, and they will, we need to learn healthy conflict resolution techniques. If you need to take a class or read a book on the subject or just discuss this topic with friends, do whatever it takes, but learn the strategy. Your relationship with your significant other will benefit immensely.

Conflict resolution teaches you to become a listener and not just someone who spouts off whatever he or she is thinking without giving the other person involved a chance to get a word in edgewise. When you really listen to your partner, you may actually hear some good sense and realize that your ways are not always the right ways. So many times we are too busy trying to get our agenda accomplished that we need some good conflicts to shake us up and hopefully, lead us into paths toward healthy reconciliation. Try to come up with some sort of compromise that you both can live with so in the end, no one is the loser. True communication and compromise is what cements a relationship together and enables it to weather great storms, which are sure to come.